Friday, May 13, 2011

My Response to the May 21st Prediction

Don’t accidentally leave your pet trapped in the house!
Matthew 24:29-31, 1 Thessalonians 4:15-17, 2 Thessalonians 2:1-3, Revelation 1:7
ARP Insurance promises, that in the event of the Rapture, described in the Christian Bible, the company will ensure that the beloved pets of the insured will be rescued and given safe haven and a good home until such time that the Kingdom of Heaven is established and the owners can be re-united with their non-human companions. Let Fluffy and Boots be saved, just as you are!
For this service, the company will charge $100 to cover the initial named pet for a indemnity period of ten years after signing. The client may insure further animals in the household for a further $20 dollars per animal.

OUR COMPANY: We are caring and compassionate individuals who are not Christian, the Virtuous Pagans and will therefore not be subject to the aforementioned Rapture and the clients will be able, in peace and good conscience leave the care of their pets to our people without fear that we will be caught up as well. We currently, in good conscience, may offer our services in Southern Ontario, New York and Philadelphia.
Initial Insured Pet Name: Any additional Pets:

Ages, health and life requirements of aforementioned pets:

Total Payment:

I, ________________________ do give ARP Insurance agents permission to enter my home if, and only if, the Christian Rapture occurs, and then only for the rescue of the named, stranded pets.
ARP limits itself to the above action only in the pursuit of contract fulfillment and only in the occurrence of said Rapture.
Signature: __________________ Date:_________________
Witness:_____________________ Date:__________________

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