Monday, August 16, 2010

We Would be Happier People

Remember when your mom said "If you can't say something nice, don't say anything?"

If you like the person, and trust that they are intelligent, they are probably pounding on themselves harder than you ever could... and you need to realize that your words might be adding insult to injury. Somethimg may be true. But it does not need to be said, unless you want to add pain to someone's burden.

Most people do not want to do this... however... we are taught that 'truth is everything' and that the person who says the harsh truth out loud is supposedly superior. This sets people up to say the exact right thing to hurt someone else...

There is truth. And then there is sympathy. It is usually better to sympathize rather than hammer someone with truth. Unless they are morons, they will be hammering themselves hard enough, thank you very much.

The trick here is to remember that there is being 'right' and being 'nice'. Are you actually being 'true' to the spirit if you spike someone's mistake through them while they are suffering... does this make one a better person? Or hold one's tongue and be supportive?

I guess it's obvious which I think is the superior tactic... but I do not suceed at it myself. I got taught that the 'truth' was always to be said. Especially if someone were vulnerable first. That would put me in a superior position. Cruelty taught as 'truth'.

It made me safe.

This is 'Lord of the Flies' thinking and I always sympathized or empathized with Piggy...

Our society would be a better place if someone suffering were not attacked right at that moment... with the truth... or any other 'I could have told you so'. We would be happier people.

So... the next time someone is unhappy... perhaps it is not the time to unload unwelcome truths on them? People suffer enough without assistance from others. Everyone is carrying a greater burden than can be seen.

It might be nice to lighten the load for someone else, rather than add to it.


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